| 2012.01.19 |
I was digging through the “Notes” app on my phone when I found a trip diary from two years ago.
I’m actually amazed I typed this much into my phone. Most notable entry follows:
Dec. 30
Nothing has ever given me "stagefright" faster than when [kiddo told me, after I ushered]
her into the pottie, "You can go first."
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| 2012.01.10 |
On Turning 6:
Kiddo: "I think when I’m 6 I’ll have to be even ‘gooder and cooler’ than when I was only 5."
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| 2012.01.07 |
Kiddo was on a roll tonight:
Kiddo: "You are the cutest!"
Me: "No, YOU are!"
Kiddo: "Don’t make me slap you."
Here's a great example of Kindergarten humor:
Kiddo: "Let me tell you a joke. What did the K-State say to the dog?"
We: "I don’t know. What?"
Kiddo: "YOU LOVE BALLS!!!"
For this last one, a little background: We’ve been a game I’ll call, "What’s More
Important?" It’s a game of comparison. She has to choose which of two things
is more important to her. This evening she apparently thought she had a hard question
for me. ‘Cept that’s not how it came out (blockquote as how I perceived it -- it's a
little off-color):
Kiddo: "Dad? I have a hard on for you."
*pause*
Me: "You have a what??"
Mommy: (in the room at the other end of the hall) *erupts in laughter*
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| 2012.01.05 |
Happened just this morning:
Mommy: "Wow! Great job on those buttons! That shirt is tough."
Kiddo: "Yep."
Mommy: "Do you know what that’s called when you keep trying even when something is difficult?"
Kiddo: "That’s called 'being me'."
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| 2011.12.20 |
Kiddo, my wife and I were talking about eyes at lunch (read: in a restaurant, in public) the other day.
Here’s how that conversation ended.
Me: "Did you know that your eyeballs won’t grow? Though your head and body will grow, You were born with
your eyeballs at full size already."
Mommy: (detecting some confusion on kiddo’s face) "Your eyes are sometimes also called your eyeballs."
Kiddo (loudly, after much thought): "Do you know whose balls I like? (Points at me) THIS GUY’S! Because
they’re green!"
Me: *facepalm*
Kiddo (quietly) "I don’t like mine because they’re blue."
I was as red as a beet! And the smiles I got from people at the tables around us didn’t exactly help either!
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| 2011.12.13 |
Mommy: {to kiddo, as we’re walking out the door} "I need a kiss from you!"
Kiddo: "Kiss my butt."
We’re convinced she doesn’t understand that’s an insult. Still, I was LMAO all the way to work!
EDIT: We did explain to her that evening that it's not something she should say.
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| 2011.08.17 |
Kiddo waits until my wife is out of the door this evening before she shuts it and whispers to me, "Don’t tell
mommy, but I’M really your husband."
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| 2011.06.21 |
I just knew something like this would happen.
But first, lemme just say that I had an AWESOME Fathers’ Day. I got a card from my lovely daughter and a picture
in a frame she picked out — it’s all set for my desk at the new office. We shopped a little, we swam, we played,
we cooked a fabulous dinner, then joined the in-laws for dessert at a local restaurant.
I had just come in from cooking three LOVELY ribeyes to find my wife laughing in the kitchen. Apparently she’d
just hung up the phone with her ex-husband. She had kiddo call to wish him a happy Fathers’ Day (which I’m told
she did, though reluctantly). From there, kiddo spilled the beans about the dessert plans with the larger fam.
Apparently she actually told him something along the lines of, "We’re going to see grandma and granddad… for
dessert. Oh, daddy, you’re not invited."
YEEESH! Can’t tell that kid ANYTHING!
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| 2011.04.23 |
Our Unitarian daughter attends daycare/nursery school at a Baptist church of all places. Makes for some
interesting conversations at times.
Tonight, for example, we were just about to sit down to dinner when kiddo insisted we say a prayer. By the way,
the word “prayer” is enough to make glasses drop from my wife's hands.
Although she declined kiddo’s invitation, I was told I’d accept. (Yes. You read that right.) So kiddo taught me
the following prayer, sung to the tune of Frère Jacques:
God our Father
God our Father
Once again
Once again
We will ask for blessing
We will ask for blessing
Awww maaaan
Awww maaaan
This, by the way, from the kid who saw a plastic statue of Jesus in a party store and asked mommy to take a
picture of her with Obi-Wan Kenobi.
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| 2011.03.24 |
Thought I’d spent a little time away from work and give you something fun to read while you’re not working either:
A table of kiddo terminology! Most of these are used when we’re on the road together or out someplace.
Slug-Bug
Now, you should know what this is — this game has been around since I was a kid. We play it a little differently,
though: There’s no actual slugging involved. First person to call “slug bug” with the color of the VW beetle wins.
The others MUST say “Aww, you got me!”
"Slug bug old!"
Kiddo’s exclamation upon sighting an actual classic “slug bug.”
Darth Vader Car
A Darth Vader car is any car that has one of those racks mounted to the grill — like a bumper that comes up
as far as to protect the lights. In order to be a Darth Vader car, that rack must be black. The car being black
helps, too — I suppose it resembles Darth Vader’s mask.
Slug-Bug with a Black Vent
When I was in high school, we called these "bras" — black fabric or pleather used to protect the front of the car
near the hood. Sometimes these “bras” have holes cut in them for the car’s lights. Kiddo relates this to the mouth
area (the “vent”) of Darth Vader’s mask. As it happens, we have a green slug-bug with one of these black protectors
in our neighborhood… so it became the green slug bug with the black vent.
Stormtrooper Car
Let me know if you’re picking up any strong tendencies toward Star Wars here. As you might guess (in opposition
to the Darth Vader Car, a Stormtrooper Car is a white car with a black grille.
TV Car
A TV Car is a squarish vehicle such as the Honda Element, Kia Soul, or the Nissan Cube. By the way, when calling
a “TV Car”, one does not have to specify the color. “TV Car!” is apparently sufficient.
Flinga Wheels
This was a tough one. "Flinga" refers to a type of hubcap design which features few spokes. Kiddo imagines that
flinga wheels can be extended from the wheel to send foes spinning out of control. I think I recall that this
was one of the inventions on Speed Racer’s Mach 5 — but that was a long time ago.
Balloong Fight
FINALLY something not car or Star Wars-related. “Balloong Fight” is a game in which we sit at opposite ends of
the short hallway between the two bedrooms and pass a balloon back and forth between each other by tapping it.
Really have no idea how this became a "fight".
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| 2010.12.30 |
Kiddo spied a taxi lingering near the door of the restaurant tonight. As we walked toward the entrance,
she squeezed our hands and yelled, "
THE YELLOW ONES DON’T STOP!!"
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