halfgeek.codes

Yesterday was a hard day. I spent Veterans' Day reaching out to my fellow veterans — people I used to be stationed with, people I was close to — especially those who are passionate about their politics. I wanted them to know that I'm grateful for the memories we share.

Some replied; some didn't. The point was to let them all know I was thinking about them.

Working my way down my mental list, and came upon somebody I probably interact with more than any other veteran — and I was upset to learn that he has suspended his Facebook account. I reached out to another vet asking if she'd seen him around, and the response I received made my heart sink.

I was told that a couple of people I hold dear have some pretty hard opinions about modern society — particularly on the subject of race relations. Hard enough to have offended a couple of other sailors. My heart sank.

People change. They just do. That's where marriages and divorces come from. Some people grow together; others grow apart. It just happens. I'm 50 years old. Two marriages, one annullment. I'm a parent through my third wife — we are raising the daughter she adopted, now into her teens. Am I the same guy I was when I was 18? No. I mean, my heart is probably similar, but I have experience and wisdom (hopefully) now that I didn't have then. Some of my military memories are over 30 years old. I guess it's kind of ridiculous to think the cast of characters in my memories haven't changed in 30 years.

For me, yesterday was about mending fences and reminding people of the good we did, the good times we had. I hope I did that, for those who remain on the network. But I didn't expect that yesterday would also become about having to accept that people change, and that sometimes they can become people who can no longer be recognized by who we thought they once were. It's not fair to assume they've weathered 40 years of changes and would still be the same people I remember. I shouldn't project that onto them.